growing up

Do you remember when adults would ask you as a child or teenager, ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ No child ever understands that the question is really just about what career he or she wants to pursue. That question is loaded with unintended meaning – whatever career you choose, it defines you in the eyes of society.

When I was about seven years old, my father’s medical school textbooks had entranced me. The world of human physiology and anatomy was mind-blowing to me at that age. I decided that I wanted to be a cardiovascular surgeon. I’m fairly certain most adults thought I had no idea what I was talking about. This career dream stayed with me until I was about twelve years old. By then, puberty had started and my adoration for the circulatory system was not interesting to my peers. My dreams began to change. It’s strange how often we look to the opinions of others to dictate the paths we choose in life.

I have a list I’ve written over the past year, of things I want to study and fields of work I believe I’d not only enjoy, but that I would be a credit to each respective industry. Chef. Counselor or therapist … psychologist? Dietitian. Graphic designer. Massage therapist. Museum curator. NGO worker (aid worker). Nurse. Photo-journalist or news editor. University professor. Wilderness guide (NOLS, I love you!). Yoga instructor. Looking at that list, I get a little crest-fallen. Some of these seem impractical or outright impossible. The course catalog for my local community college is here next to me as I write; it’s dreadfully worn out, as I have flipped through the pages many times a day for the past six months. Highlighters and pens have marked dozens of classes I’d love to take. Sadly, until becoming unemployed, I didn’t qualify for financial aid. It was a huge struggle to get back into school – I’d tried several years to do so, only to find I couldn’t afford to keep going. I kept dropping out last minute. I finally managed to get through a semester last autumn and it was an incredible feeling. I felt like I was finally making something of myself. My job history is one that is often frowned upon. That childhood query of ‘What do you want to be when you grow up?’ rings in my memory and makes me ashamed of years of hard work that I should be proud of, even if it’s not what I necessarily wanted.

I woke up this morning thinking about what I really want to do with my time, with my life. I may not be in the best financial position right now, but being unemployed is the perfect clean slate. I want to have that starry-eyed hope of my seven-year-old self. I want to start over, and thank heavens I’m still young enough to where it shouldn’t be devastating to make drastic changes …

how to save the lost and corporate-corrupted soul

A few thoughts – I swear, they all intersect somehow:

I remember one of my teachers from elementary school telling my class that if you are a garbage man and love your job, bravo! Be the best garbage man out there. Be courteous and punctual. Take pride in your contribution to a better community. Be proud of the fact that you have the patience, stamina, and stomach to handle a difficult job that many people many never look at twice. You are important – you know that, even if most people around you don’t.

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I saw the article and video on Michael Gill back in 2009, but have rediscovered it today. It’s a good reminder to have the right focus. It looks like he’s written a book (news to me, sorry if it’s old hat to you). Hmm.

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So many people want to find fulfillment in the workplace. Students pay through the nose to get an education that can better secure them their ideal job. Many adults who are years deep into their careers yearn to return to university or vocational school to learn new skills so they can jump ship at work, into something they deem more meaningful than their current circumstances. Although your job shouldn’t define who you are – I feel that your beliefs, your convictions and standards, your thoughts, your interests, your actions, and your creativity should – I am certain most of my readers have noticed that some of the most commonly asked questions in any setting are: ‘So … what do you do? Where do you work? Do you like it?’ Well, do you like your job? You spend more than half of your waking hours working, might as well make an honest living that brings some sense of satisfaction to you. It doesn’t have to be a work-from-home scenario or owning your own business (although go for it, if that’s what you want!). It simply needs to be something that challenges you enough to keep your interest, something that rewards you enough to make you feel valuable and appreciated, and something that supports a majority of the core beliefs and ideals which define who you are.

Please note that I’m not advocating quitting your means of obtaining an income when the economy is such a mess around the world. I’m advocating the idea of being responsible enough to appreciate what you have, and if there is no bright spot in your dark corner, then consider what life changes you need to make in order to progress and be happy. Right now, for me, quitting a high-stress job that was taking over my life, and trying to find something else that will better accommodate me returning to school, is the best decision for the sake of my health and happiness.

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For good measure, this entry seems to negate a theme song. Let’s turn to The Fray’s overused ‘How to Save a Life’, shall we?

(*dancing around my small apartment*)