run along now, before you get too distracted

Feeling empowered is probably not something you’d think of the day after you quit your only means of income. However, I feel very much empowered this morning …

The St. George Marathon 2011 is proving to be a great asset to me right now. Training for it has demanded that I take care of my physical health, which would normally get marginalized when dealing with something like unemployment. Have you ever heard about the runner’s high? That very real endorphin rush is sometimes the only motivation for me to get out of bed before the sun is up in order to keep up my training regimen. Running helps provides a degree of mental clarity I have trouble obtaining any other way. Often, I feel like the quietness I experience as I run is like meditation and prayer in fluid motion. When your mind is in overdrive, having the chance to move through the quiet dark alone with your thoughts falling behind you allows you to embrace emptiness. I love that. Cross-training (yoga, swimming, weight lifting) always leaves me a tad listless, as the feeling just doesn’t compare to flying across miles on my own two feet.

Did I ever tell you that this blog was inspired in part by The Julie/Julia Project (or rather, the movie)? I found it interesting that Julie Powell found comfort in cooking during difficult times. I find comfort in running, as mentioned, but marathon training, or any extensive exercise program, obviously negates a healthy diet in conjunction with everything else done. Not to mention that a fairly common female inclination to ‘comfort eat’ tends to crop up during stressful times, so having a plan for eating well is a good idea right about now.

One concern caught between my running and my overall health is keeping up healthful eating when I don’t have enough money to choose the exact foods that will go into my fridge and cupboards. It’s too early on for me to know if I should apply for food stamps, and I am not familiar with the exact contents of the food boxes that can be purchased at the United Food Bank. Until things get better – in this case, ‘better’ is referring to once I find a job and level out financially – I may have to be really creative with a few very large cans of dry food storage items (rice, beans, flour, sugar, pasta). Carbo-loading is all well and fine during certain phases in training, but I need decent portions of vegetables and fruit every day. Milk is already something I can’t have or use, so that’s not a concern; meat I can do without, as I’m still toying with the idea of going vegan again (I was vegetarian/vegan for over six years, before I realized I wasn’t supplementing iron and vitamin B12 properly). High-quality produce is my obsession for the day. Curse you, lush vegan cookbooks taunting me from my bookcase!

Here’s the recipe that I’m dying for today:

Toasted Nori Burritos (Serves 2)

1 umeboshi plum
1 cup cooked brown rice (leftover is great)
2 sheets toasted nori
2 romaine lettuce leaves
1 avocado, sliced
1 apple, sliced
4 fresh basil leaves
Leaves from 6 cilantro sprigs
Leftover cooked kale, sprouts, or salad greens

Tear the umeboshi plum into little pieces and discard the pit. Place half the rice on each sheet of nori and top with the remaining ingredients. Roll the nori into a cone shape around the filling; if it’s rolled tightly, you can seal the edges by wetting your finger to dampen the edges of the nori. (from The Kind Diet by Alicia Silverstone, © 2009, page 219)

I do need to say that I am very grateful that I have any food at all, be it healthy or unhealthy. I’m thankful, too, that I have more time to dedicate to my training and overall well-being. Oh gosh – time to run errands and fill out more applications and network like mad … Reading through everything I just wrote for this entry has me laughing. At least I’m entitled to bouts of ADHD in my free time!

There’s a silver lining to everything; it’s just a matter of seeing it from a new angle each day so it doesn’t tarnish.

what do you want most?

I keep up with the blogs of friends about once every couple of weeks or so, and recently found an older post on Daniel’s blog that really pricked at my heart. I would encourage you to read through that entry, and consider these questions he poses:

Is this what you want now or what you want most? There is a very large difference between the two… does this, whatever this is, take you towards what you want now or what you want most? If your most is worth it, then you will change your now’s.

In reading through everything he wrote and pondering over those questions, so much clarity came from thinking in terms of what I want now versus what I want most in life. There are a lot of hard questions I’ve had to answer over the past year or so, and my answers to those all come back to what I want most … the things I am willing to pursue over other, more immediate things. Those things I want most I am willing to make sacrifices for, because they will bring the most joy to me in the end. There’s a liberation to be found in knowing what you want out of life, what your goals are. It makes all other decisions that much easier to choose when the time comes.